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Mariana Seraphina's Journal
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Journal December 02

Ok I got lazy and lumped it all together, I don't think it matters anyway...

 
 

12/22/02 Well, Today I put up a tree, made Peanut Butter cookies, and wrapped presents. And had a few good thoughts... one don't forget those in need this Christmas, ( I know it is hard to get a gift for that one person who has everything, but try to think of one who has nothing). Two, with traffic a terror and people pushing and shoving and coldness everywhere, try to be polite and compassionate, make sure to go out of your way to enrich someones day.  Anyway, I am thinking about giving blood, owwie.

12/14/02 A week has gone by and I have little to show for it. However, I did get the chance to go to Grand Blanc from Mon. afternoon to Wed. morning. I made it to the gym this week, (and the suana) and will go again today if I work only four hours instead of eight, (they will make me work eight). I got to spend time with my Mom and finally got my hair dyed (blonder than I have been in a long time). I am trying to watch the Cleopatra that has Elizabeth Taylor in it, which if you have ever seen it, you know it takes a little commitment (three hours, I am watching it in segments) and am currently finishing of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, Suggested by Dean and beginning The Great and Secret Show by Clive Barker suggested by James. Hitchhikers Guide may have been made for someone of a different focas than me but The Great and Secret Show looks like it will prove to be interesting. 

I am thinking about adding too my odds and ends page by giving data as well as essays, like currently I am considering adding in Latin Declensions and Conjugations and a outline of the Kabbalah, we will see, but it is about time I added more meat to this site. Also, I am about to add to my journal. 

12/7/02  Okay, it seems I have wandered again and now have quite a bit to update. My Thanksgiving was great, it was an open house and I started stealing off my Uncle's plate and endangered my Aunt in the process but it was worth it. I did eat to my hearts content, (especially cheesecake, and am even at this moment thinking about going to the gym.) Dean was late, he seems to think dinner means like three or four, he should know better figuring he showed up late for last Thanksgiving too. But, he showed up with flowers and a hungry tummy so I didn't attack him on site. Hmmmm, the rest of that week went pretty good, Dean stayed till Sunday, I saw Treasure Planet, But I had to work a lot which sucked.  The next day I picked up James, who at this point looked like he was dying of a cold. I got him to let my Mom look at the brand, and so far everything is good, but I started drugging him at every chance I got. (didn't give up a fight at all, docile as a child.... note the sarcasam here.) Then the week just flew by, I mean very fast gone in an instant fast. And ended on a sad note. However, I get to find out soon if I am going to put in apps in Grand Blanc. Well, It doesn't look like Dean is coming, I am going to try to persuade myself to head to the gym.

11/27/02 Ok, hopefully everyone has been observant enough to have seen that there is a new page called ruminations, it just seemed like a fun little thing that I might want to play with. Anyway, tommorrow is Thanksgiving so not only do I not work but I get to see Dean and get fat on lots of turkey! I hope everyone has a great holiday. Hmmmm I should be getting a new poem on sometime within the next week.

11/24/02  Ok, well today was my first day at work. Funny really, I have always boycotted Victoria Secret but I am learning to love it. Hmmm also, I took off on some important matters for a few days. Things are looking better, somethings I had been worried about have been made so much better. And on Saturday night, James got branded, I hope he is doing well, I am sitting here worrying like a mother hen.

11/13/02 Ok, on 11/11 I did something interesting, I took a rather extensive bike ride. I started out at my Grandfather's house in Elkhart and continued on until I hit Dowagaic Michigan. That is about a 45 min. drive if you are going about 50 to 55 miles an hour. Now get this..... I made it in 2 hours. I was a bit cold and wet from the rain, but I was fully invigorated! Good points is that, I was not tired at the end and even now don't feel the least bit sore. I kick ass. Anyway, when I got to SMC I had rather lucky timing because Melissa, Brandon, and James were still there. We ended up going out to Primrose, both of them. I ended up spending the night in Dowagaic and on 11/12 Melissa, James, and his Friend Shane went to just one Primrose, less happened on this night but still it is hanging out with people I like so, it was all good. Today, I am planning, I think I should relearn Latin, actually put together my bos, and learn to meditate. And as an added perk to my day.... I got an email from Joe!!!!!! I missed him a lot. Otherwise not much happening, I am going to try to make some updates around here, not sure what I will get to though.

11/8/02  Yesterday, I came home after being gone for nearly a month. I can not even attempt to fill in what I had been doing that hole time, so I'll just leave it as "if I was with you, you know". And my last words on all that has happened is, "some things defy definition, that with substance has the power to last, and I meant all that I said." Now with all that said, and some permanently confused, I now begin to fill in for today. I am earnestly looking for a job and have begun to pack some of my junk into storage (which is interesting in it's own right). I have also gone to see some of the people who I haven't seen and contrary to popular belief, are very important to me. I saw my Father, Mother, Sister Angie, Monica, and Eric. And right before that I got to hang out with James and watch Science Mystery 3000! So, I got a pretty good dose of family and friends. When I move I know I am going to have to come back to visit them often, they play too important a part in my life to be just left behind. ( I wonder if they know that?) Anyway, that is all for today,I have to go out to dinner with my parents.

5/1/02 I finally went out and got a laptop, so the good news is that major updates are coming soon.
 
2/14/02 I have decided it was time to clear some space on my some what not daily at all log, so I have added a new page that the old logs are stored in. I am thinking about making a few different changes all over but we will see how many I actually get to.  Today is Valentine's Day, impressive huh? Well, It is also my Father's Birthday, him, my Mother, and I went out for a nice dinner and I am thinking about making him a cake tonight, we will see. Tommorrow the Banshee (my mustang LX) goes in to get a new stablizer bar, I through the last one out on a four foot snow wall strangely enough that was one of my favourite experiances in that car. But anyway, Banshee is beginning to be resurrected! I have been doing an interesting experiment for Imbolc and it will be continuing until Beltane probably. It is being called the Metamorphisis and it just means I am letting go of much and allowing new things in. (Hey, at least my room gets clean) I am also preparing to start night classes this Spring to get my prerequisites out of the way. And I am getting my new guitar in two weeks! It is a M6 Spruce Seagull, if anyone is wondering.  As for today though, work was not so much hellish as numbing. I need sleep.

12/22/02 Well, Today I put up a tree, made Peanut Butter cookies, and wrapped presents. And had a few good thoughts... one don't forget those in need this Christmas, ( I know it is hard to get a gift for that one person who has everything, but try to think of one who has nothing). Two, with traffic a terror and people pushing and shoving and coldness everywhere, try to be polite and compassionate, make sure to go out of your way to enrich someones day.  Anyway, I am thinking about giving blood, owwie.

12/14/02 A week has gone by and I have little to show for it. However, I did get the chance to go to Grand Blanc from Mon. afternoon to Wed. morning. I made it to the gym this week, (and the suana) and will go again today if I work only four hours instead of eight, (they will make me work eight). I got to spend time with my Mom and finally got my hair dyed (blonder than I have been in a long time). I am trying to watch the Cleopatra that has Elizabeth Taylor in it, which if you have ever seen it, you know it takes a little commitment (three hours, I am watching it in segments) and am currently finishing of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, Suggested by Dean and beginning The Great and Secret Show by Clive Barker suggested by James. Hitchhikers Guide may have been made for someone of a different focas than me but The Great and Secret Show looks like it will prove to be interesting. 

I am thinking about adding too my odds and ends page by giving data as well as essays, like currently I am considering adding in Latin Declensions and Conjugations and a outline of the Kabbalah, we will see, but it is about time I added more meat to this site. Also, I am about to add to my journal. 

12/7/02  Okay, it seems I have wandered again and now have quite a bit to update. My Thanksgiving was great, it was an open house and I started stealing off my Uncle's plate and endangered my Aunt in the process but it was worth it. I did eat to my hearts content, (especially cheesecake, and am even at this moment thinking about going to the gym.) Dean was late, he seems to think dinner means like three or four, he should know better figuring he showed up late for last Thanksgiving too. But, he showed up with flowers and a hungry tummy so I didn't attack him on site. Hmmmm, the rest of that week went pretty good, Dean stayed till Sunday, I saw Treasure Planet, But I had to work a lot which sucked.  The next day I picked up James, who at this point looked like he was dying of a cold. I got him to let my Mom look at the brand, and so far everything is good, but I started drugging him at every chance I got. (didn't give up a fight at all, docile as a child.... note the sarcasam here.) Then the week just flew by, I mean very fast gone in an instant fast. And ended on a sad note. However, I get to find out soon if I am going to put in apps in Grand Blanc. Well, It doesn't look like Dean is coming, I am going to try to persuade myself to head to the gym.

11/27/02 Ok, hopefully everyone has been observant enough to have seen that there is a new page called ruminations, it just seemed like a fun little thing that I might want to play with. Anyway, tommorrow is Thanksgiving so not only do I not work but I get to see Dean and get fat on lots of turkey! I hope everyone has a great holiday. Hmmmm I should be getting a new poem on sometime within the next week.

11/24/02  Ok, well today was my first day at work. Funny really, I have always boycotted Victoria Secret but I am learning to love it. Hmmm also, I took off on some important matters for a few days. Things are looking better, somethings I had been worried about have been made so much better. And on Saturday night, James got branded, I hope he is doing well, I am sitting here worrying like a mother hen.

11/13/02 Ok, on 11/11 I did something interesting, I took a rather extensive bike ride. I started out at my Grandfather's house in Elkhart and continued on until I hit Dowagaic Michigan. That is about a 45 min. drive if you are going about 50 to 55 miles an hour. Now get this..... I made it in 2 hours. I was a bit cold and wet from the rain, but I was fully invigorated! Good points is that, I was not tired at the end and even now don't feel the least bit sore. I kick ass. Anyway, when I got to SMC I had rather lucky timing because Melissa, Brandon, and James were still there. We ended up going out to Primrose, both of them. I ended up spending the night in Dowagaic and on 11/12 Melissa, James, and his Friend Shane went to just one Primrose, less happened on this night but still it is hanging out with people I like so, it was all good. Today, I am planning, I think I should relearn Latin, actually put together my bos, and learn to meditate. And as an added perk to my day.... I got an email from Joe!!!!!! I missed him a lot. Otherwise not much happening, I am going to try to make some updates around here, not sure what I will get to though.

11/8/02  Yesterday, I came home after being gone for nearly a month. I can not even attempt to fill in what I had been doing that hole time, so I'll just leave it as "if I was with you, you know". And my last words on all that has happened is, "some things defy definition, that with substance has the power to last, and I meant all that I said." Now with all that said, and some permanently confused, I now begin to fill in for today. I am earnestly looking for a job and have begun to pack some of my junk into storage (which is interesting in it's own right). I have also gone to see some of the people who I haven't seen and contrary to popular belief, are very important to me. I saw my Father, Mother, Sister Angie, Monica, and Eric. And right before that I got to hang out with James and watch Science Mystery 3000! So, I got a pretty good dose of family and friends. When I move I know I am going to have to come back to visit them often, they play too important a part in my life to be just left behind. ( I wonder if they know that?) Anyway, that is all for today,I have to go out to dinner with my parents.

 
3:35 AM on what ever dark morn this happens to be, frankly I do not know. I know I am tired but will not sleep, I am losing the taste for it. I am tired of being weak.I am tired of always seeing myself as my enemy and god. I am tired of trying to live up to everything that was or should be me. I am tired of trying too hard and it never being enough. I am sick of explaining and supplicating. Worrying. There are things I guess I could do, but they are not standing solutions. I do not know.