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Mariana Seraphina's Journal
Journal July 2002
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July

7/19/02  I was thinking about changing my major today in a lost and confused way. Which lead me to think of a story I absolutely loved as a child, and still do, "THe Prydain Chronicles" by Lloyd Alexander. The one I liked the most out of all of them is "Taran the Wanderer", this is where Taran, who knows nothing of where he comes from or where he is going, leaves Cear Dalben to find himself and many adventures follow, he has the option to be so many things but can not , he continues searching. I won't ruin the rest of the story but I find it strange that knowing everyone is lost at one point or another didn't help take away the doubt. Yet, it makes me smile now to think of the hero of my childhood fantasies also felt the same. 
 
7/22/02 Sacrifice... What price would you pay to get what you want? Would you give up precious sleep? Friends? Family? Would you turn your life upside down? Knock down your pride again and again? Drag yourself through the mud until you can't see past the dirt. Would you pay for a dream you can not see. It is odd, my energy keeps surging from some hidden spring and my hunger is like fire ever consuming, ever growing. I am a slave to it. Everything I am, I am more. Everything I haven't been, is my failing, it can not happen again.
 
7/25/02  It has started. The group has broken. From here on things have to change. My family is going seperate ways, and technically I left a long time ago. My friends and I have been growing apart for years. The places I have grown to love now seem foreign. I was shocked to find out I don't know were things are at any of the places I live, even in my room. They all seem like hotel rooms, temperary , but sufficiant.  It sounds depressing, but it isn't. It is the beginning. And I have many things I am thankful to have. Also, my expectations are high, great things will come of this, and there are certain things that still are certain