7/19/02 I was thinking about changing my major today
in a lost and confused way. Which lead me to think of a story I absolutely loved as a child, and still do, "THe Prydain Chronicles"
by Lloyd Alexander. The one I liked the most out of all of them is "Taran the Wanderer", this is where Taran, who knows nothing
of where he comes from or where he is going, leaves Cear Dalben to find himself and many adventures follow, he has the option
to be so many things but can not , he continues searching. I won't ruin the rest of the story but I find it strange that knowing
everyone is lost at one point or another didn't help take away the doubt. Yet, it makes me smile now to think of the hero
of my childhood fantasies also felt the same.
7/22/02 Sacrifice... What price would you pay to get what
you want? Would you give up precious sleep? Friends? Family? Would you turn your life upside down? Knock down your pride
again and again? Drag yourself through the mud until you can't see past the dirt. Would you pay for a dream you can not
see. It is odd, my energy keeps surging from some hidden spring and my hunger is like fire ever consuming, ever
growing. I am a slave to it. Everything I am, I am more. Everything I haven't been, is my failing, it can not happen
7/25/02 It has started. The group has broken. From
here on things have to change. My family is going seperate ways, and technically I left a long time ago. My friends and I
have been growing apart for years. The places I have grown to love now seem foreign. I was shocked to find out I don't know
were things are at any of the places I live, even in my room. They all seem like hotel rooms, temperary , but sufficiant.
It sounds depressing, but it isn't. It is the beginning. And I have many things I am thankful to have. Also, my expectations
are high, great things will come of this, and there are certain things that still are certain