11/27/02 I am growing more excited and
worried about moving, probably because I actually started to load my stuff up into storage. I am this week heading up to start
putting in applications and if I have any luck I will be out there before the end of the year. As a side note,
I think in the last few days there has been some kind of thing, ( I blame God!) after me. It is just getting a little hard
to overlook the so called "coincidences" that have been happening. I dropped my muffler in the same place I had before, had
to walk in the frigid cold all the way into Edwardsburg (we all know how much I looooovvvvee that place) and meanwhile my
car was getting impounded, I hit my period, had to deal with an incidient of drunkedness that might have turned violent with
someone I love. And on top of it , there is a damn squirel that keeps stareing at me, now I know it sounds like I am just
bitching here, and I might just be, but it doesn't stop at major things like these, it is every traffic light I go by, every
night I loose sleep by strange taps out side my window, it is hallusinations, it is EVERYTHING. I need prozac. Anyway,
have a happy holiday.
11/13/02 Well, I am doing more work on
myself then I have done in quite some time. I am attempting to get a job, and am growing depressed that it doesn't seem to
be working out the way I had planned. I am trying to do more art work but it isn't as much for end result as it is for technique.
My art seems void of the emotion and feeling that I create it for, the images I make only seem to stare back at me as if they
too are waiting, expecting something and have to do better for even them. I have been attempting meditation but always seem
to get dizzy, I will keep trying though. I have finally slowed down and gone home, it is different there, foreign and cold
but I loved seeing my family. I don't know, I just feel like something is missing, so I am trying to fill in the void but
it remains just that, a void. Maybe I should write.